HOT HOT HOT

As the temps start to rise here in the Midwest, it seems like we'll have no Spring, but go right into Summer. I won't complain...yet. But, I am reminded of a humorous account my friend Julius e-mailed me last Summer. He said I could share it with my readers. Julius is an ex-patriate living in Santo Domingo.

HOT HOT HOT

Remember, I hated snow & kept a diary.....so, I moved to Santo Domingo!

April 30: Dear diary, Santo Domingo is fantastic! Just got here and love it already. Now this is a place that knows how to live! Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! Watched the sunset lying on a blanket in the park. It was beautiful. I've finally found my home. I love it here.

May 14th: Really heating up. Got to 89 today. Not a problem, I live in an air-conditioned home and drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I'm turning into a real sun worshipper.

June 5th: Had the backyard landscaped with tropical plants today. Lots of palms and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing for me. NO MORE SHOVELING SNOW EITHER! Another scorcher today but I love it here.

July 1st: The temp hasn't been below 90 all week, not even at night. Where are those ocean breezes we heard about? Still seems hot. Getting used to it-will take awhile, I guess. I sure miss my LP collection. Have to remember not to leave anything made of plastic in my car. Got one of those fuzzy steering wheel covers, cheaper than the burn ointment for my hands. I always wondered what burnt flesh smelled like.

July 15th: Fell asleep by the pool. (Got burns over 60% of my body) Missed three days of bar-hopping. What a dumb thing to do. Got to respect the 'ol sun in a climate like this.

July 20th: Our poor dog Jerry. He snuck into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got out to the car for lunch he'd swollen up to the size of a garbage bag, and just as I opened the door he exploded all over the leather upholstery! I told my roommate he ran away. The car now smells like doggie poop. No more pets in this heat!

July 25th: Ocean breezes my a--. Hot is hot! The apartment air conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $2000 pesos just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts from the US. The only hope for a break in the heat would be a hurricane.

July 30th: Been sleeping outside on the roof for three nights. Swatting the tropical mosquitoes, they're as big as these d@#* homeless dogs that are everywhere. $1500 in darn upkeep payments and I can't even go inside. Why did I ever come here?

August 4th: 100 degrees. Finally got the air fixed today. It cost $5000 pesos and gets the temperature down to about 90. The electric bill is almost as much as the house payment. Two old lady drivers almost ran me off the road. I hate this country.

August 8th: If another jerk says, "Is it hot enough for you?", I'm going to tear his head off.

D#^* heat! By the time I get to the beach the radiator's boiling over, my clothes are soaked and I smell like roasted Garfield!!

August 10th: The weather report might as well be a recording. Doesn't it ever rain in this God-forsaken place unless there's a hurricane passing??

August 14th: Welcome to Hell!! Temperature got to 102 today. Forgot to crack the window and blew the windshield out of the Nissan. The installer came to fix it and said, "Hot enough for you today?" My lover had to spend the house payment to bail me out of jail.

August 30th: Worst day of the summer. I'm not leaving the house. The monsoon rains finally came and all they did was to make it muggier than hell and drove the freakin lizzards out of the ground. Wasn't aware they could fly! The Nissan is now floating somewhere in the Caribbean with its new $8500 pesos windshield. That does it, I'm moving back to New York where all I have to worry about is getting mugged or thrown over my balcony. I hope this country breaks in half and floats to Cuba!